Abducted

September 29, 2017

I’ve been in denial for a long time, but now I feel I must face my demons and tell the story of what happened to me on that fateful night.

I was wandering around in a field somewhere for some reason, when suddenly, an alien spacecraft landed right in front of me. Despite the fact that I had been drinking whiskey and taking massive quantities of LSD, I can still remember the flashing red and blue lights on their ship.

The aliens approached me and shoved a device in my mouth that began beeping loudly when I breathed into it. Then they bound me against my will and threw me into their ship. We soared through the sky until we reached their planet.

The aliens dragged me into a building where they conducted many tests on me. They grabbed my hand and pressed it on some ink, then on some sort of paper. They took my picture, then they threw me into a room where I was alone with what I believe was their leader. Instead of the blue military uniforms that the other aliens wore, this alien wore more comfortable looking clothing. He almost looked human, but he was much larger than me. The alien leader then tore off my clothes and began anally probing me for several hours until I blacked out.

While I was out, the aliens must have returned me to earth, because the first thing I remember was lying on the sidewalk while people tossed change at me. The only proof of my abduction is a sore anus and a note written in some alien language. It looks like it says, “subpoena,” but that’s not a word I’ve ever heard of.